Why do young children's emotions spill over so much?
An 18-month-old collapsing because their block tower fell, a 2-year-old having a tantrum because their coat is wrongly buttoned: these scenes are universal, and they have a precise neurological explanation. A young child's brain is under construction. The prefrontal cortex, the seat of impulse control, planning, and emotional regulation, won't be fully mature until around 25 years old. In the meantime, the amygdala, the center of primitive emotional reactions, often takes over.
So, it's not manipulation, nor bad will. It's biology. Understanding this mechanism profoundly changes how we support a child in crisis, and it is often the first step towards calmer parenting.
What developmental science teaches us about emotional regulation
Developmental neurosciences are clear: emotional regulation is not learned in isolation. It is co-constructed, first with an adult, before gradually being internalized. This process has a name: co-regulation. It is the ability of a parent or caregiver to remain calm, present, and receptive in the face of a child's emotional state, so that the child can progressively learn to modulate their own internal states.
Psychologist Daniel Siegel talks about the need to connect before you correct. Before explaining why you don't throw your toys, you must first acknowledge what the child is feeling. This does not mean condoning the behavior, but recognizing the underlying emotion.
The central role of attachment
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and confirmed by decades of research since, establishes a direct link between a child's emotional security and their ability to regulate their emotions. A child whose emotional needs are regularly recognized and soothed develops what researchers call a secure attachment. They learn that their emotions are tolerable, that they have an end, and that they are not alone in experiencing them. This foundation will later allow them to manage difficult situations on their own.
To learn more about the importance of rituals in building this emotional security, we invite you to read our article Routines and Rituals: How Emotional Security Helps Baby Thrive.
The main stages of emotional development from 0 to 3 years old
0 to 6 months: primary emotions
From birth, babies express basic emotional states: distress, calm, interest, disgust. They have no way to regulate them alone. They depend entirely on the adult to return to a state of equilibrium, which pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott called holding: this physical and emotional support that gives the child a sense of coherent existence.
6 to 18 months: the appearance of social referencing
Around 9-12 months, babies begin to look at their parent's face to understand how to interpret an ambiguous situation. If dad smiles at a stranger, it's probably safe. If mom seems worried, it's better to be careful. This ability, called social referencing, is a sign that the baby is beginning to use emotions as information about the world.
18 months to 3 years: the age of great storms
This is the period of the famous terrible twos, misnamed because they often begin as early as 18 months and extend until 3 years. The child develops self-awareness, personal desires, a sense of autonomy, but without yet having the tools to manage frustration when their desires clash with reality. Crises are frequent, intense, and sometimes incomprehensible to parents. Yet, they are perfectly normal, and even necessary for development.
How to concretely support your child's emotions?
Naming to tame
The simple act of putting words to a child's emotions has a proven neurological effect: it activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces amygdala activity. By saying you're angry because you wanted to keep playing, you literally help your child's brain calm down. This isn't just common sense advice: it's applied neuroscience.
This work of emotional naming is directly linked to language development. You'll find additional resources in our article Language Development: How to Help Baby Talk from 0 to 3 Years Old.
Remain a regulator, not a fixer
There's an important nuance between wanting the child to stop crying as quickly as possible and supporting them in their emotion until it naturally dissipates. In the first case, you send them the message that their emotions are a problem to be eliminated. In the second, you teach them that they are normal, passable, and that they can count on you.
Create an environment conducive to calm
The environment often plays an underestimated role in a child's emotional regulation. An overly stimulating play space, too cluttered with toys, sounds, and visual solicitations, keeps the nervous system on alert. Conversely, a clean, secure space where the child can explore freely without sensory overload promotes a state of calm and concentration conducive to learning and regulation.
The Treelys play mat was designed with this in mind: to offer a soft, defined, and welcoming surface where baby can play, crawl, explore, without being overwhelmed by excessive stimulation. Their own space, reassuring and stable, which supports their sensory and emotional development.
Model your own emotions
Children learn far more by imitation than by instruction. When a parent verbalizes their own emotions in a simple and authentic way, they offer a concrete model. I'm a little tired right now, I'm going to take a deep breath: this ordinary sentence is actually valuable teaching on how to recognize and regulate an emotional state.
What free play brings to emotional regulation
Play is not just a leisure activity: it is the child's primary tool for emotional processing. By replaying scenes from daily life, staging conflicts between characters, and exploring different roles, the child processes their experiences, tests responses, and tames complex emotions in a secure setting.
Stuart Brown, an American psychiatrist and researcher, has shown that free play activates brain circuits linked to resilience and emotional flexibility. It's not a luxury: it's a developmental necessity. Our article Free Play and Creativity: Why Fewer Toys Frees Children More explores in detail how to create the conditions for truly liberating play.
A word on screens and emotional regulation
Research is convergent on this point: early and prolonged exposure to screens, especially before 18 months, disrupts the development of emotional regulation capacities. Not because the content is necessarily harmful, but because screens deprive the child of time for real human interactions, the only true crucible of emotional learning. They can also maintain a state of passive stimulation that makes it more difficult to tolerate boredom and frustration.
Emotional regulation, a long-term learning process
It would be misleading to suggest that with the right techniques, crises disappear. They don't disappear, and that's not the goal. The goal is for the child to gradually navigate their inner storms with less and less distress, and with more and more confidence in their own ability to overcome them. This is learning that is measured in years, not weeks.
What you can offer your child is your regular presence, your ability to stay grounded when they are overwhelmed, and an environment that gives them the conditions to explore and get to know themselves. It is to this humble and essential task that Treelys seeks to contribute, with products designed to support the child's development as a whole, without trying to accelerate what simply needs to be supported.
