Tantrums at 2: behind these words lies a normal stage of development, not a failure of parenting. They most often appear between 1 and 3 years of age, at a time when a child wants lots of things but can't yet put them into words. The right response comes down to three words: safety, calm, presence.
Tantrums ease as language and self-control develop. This article explains what is going on in your toddler's head, how to respond during and after a tantrum, and how to make them less frequent day to day.
Tantrums at 2: why are they so common?
According to KidsHealth, the paediatric website of the Nemours Foundation, tantrums usually occur between 1 and 3 years of age. Boys and girls are equally affected. They are especially common during the second year, when language is only just starting to develop.
The gap is easy to understand. At two, a child has specific wishes, strong preferences and a growing need for independence. Yet they have very few words to express them. When frustration goes beyond what they can say, it comes out through the body: screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, kicking.
Brain development plays a part too. The areas that make it possible to hold back a reaction, to wait or to change plans develop slowly, over many years. Our article on emotional regulation from 0 to 3 years explains this process in detail.
The most common triggers
- tiredness, hunger or physical discomfort;
- being told no: a forbidden object, a game that has to stop, clothes they don't want to wear;
- struggling to be understood;
- wanting to do it themselves and getting help they didn't ask for;
- a sudden transition, such as leaving the park or coming to the table.
In its 2023 parenting guide, the Welsh Government offers a simple way to spot these moments. Is the child hungry, angry, lonely or tired? These four questions explain a large share of tantrums.
Tantrum or naughtiness: does the difference matter?
The word ‘naughtiness’ suggests deliberate manipulation. At two, that reading is rarely accurate. A child doesn't calculate the effect of their tantrum: they are overwhelmed by an emotion they can't yet regulate.
KidsHealth does, however, distinguish between two situations. Some tantrums express genuine distress and call for comfort. Others follow a refusal or aim to get something. In the second case, the site advises not giving in, without getting angry either.
What stays the same in both cases is the underlying attitude. The adult stays calm, keeps the child safe and holds the limit that has been set. Our article on the age when babies understand ‘no’ explains why a rule that is understood is not yet a rule that is followed.
How to respond during a tantrum
During a tantrum, a child can neither reason nor listen to an explanation. The Welsh guide puts it clearly: you can't stop a tantrum, you can only see your child through it.
Keep them safe
This is the priority. Move dangerous objects out of the way, or take your child somewhere calm and safe if they might hurt themselves. Stay close, even if they don't want to be touched.
Stay calm yourself
Children copy adults, including the way they handle anger. Breathing slowly, lowering your voice and not shouting help your child calm down. Physical punishment is out of the question: it teaches nothing about what caused the tantrum.
Say little, name the emotion
A short sentence is enough: “You’re very angry, I’m staying right here.” Putting a word to the emotion helps your child recognise it. Long explanations can wait until things are calm again.
Hold the limit
If the tantrum follows a refusal, don't change your mind just to make it stop. Giving in teaches your child that screaming works, and the next tantrums will last longer. A limit held gently is more reassuring than one that gives way.
What to do after a tantrum
The moment afterwards matters as much as the tantrum itself. Comfort your child and reconnect, with a cuddle or a few words. Praise them for calming down, without going over what happened at length.
If your child is older and talks more, you can then help them find other ways to express their frustration. Saying “I’m cross”, hitting a cushion, coming to find an adult. These strategies are learned outside tantrums, never during them.
The ability to sense other people's emotions develops at the same time. Our article on empathy in children under 3 shows how these two skills grow together.
Preventing tantrums day to day
You won't get rid of every tantrum, and that isn't the goal. You can, however, reduce how many there are by working on the known triggers.
- Offer simple choices. “The red jumper or the green one?” gives your child some control without giving in on what matters.
- Announce transitions. Giving a few minutes' warning before leaving the park avoids an abrupt stop.
- Meet basic needs. A snack, a protected nap and a regular bedtime noticeably reduce tantrums.
- Organise the space. Putting forbidden things out of reach saves dozens of refusals a day.
- Praise the calm moments. Paying specific attention to good behaviour makes it happen more often.
- Plan active play. Running, climbing and throwing a ball help toddlers burn off energy.
Everyday rituals play an often underestimated role. A child who knows what's coming next faces fewer frustrating surprises. Our article on routines and emotional security explains this in detail.
High-risk situations: shopping, outings, the end of the day
Tantrums often happen in the same settings. The supermarket combines waiting, temptation and tiredness. Bringing a snack and a small toy and keeping the trip short makes a big difference. Our tips for going shopping with a baby cover these points.
The end of the day is the other tricky time. The child has built up tiredness and emotions, and so has the adult. Expecting less at that time of day avoids many clashes.
When should you seek advice?
Most tantrums are short-lived and nothing to worry about. KidsHealth does, however, recommend talking to your doctor in several situations:
- tantrums become more frequent, more intense or longer over time;
- your child often hurts themselves or others;
- they resist almost all the time and rarely cooperate;
- you often feel overwhelmed or angry, or you regularly give in to avoid tantrums;
- tantrums cause a lot of tension in the family.
The doctor can also check that no related problem, such as a hearing difficulty or a speech delay, is fuelling the frustration. This is uncommon. For more physical behaviour, our article on babies who bite sets out exactly what to do.
Key takeaways
Tantrums at 2 reflect a gap between strong emotions and abilities that are still developing. They ease as language develops. During a tantrum: safety, calm, few words, a limit held. Afterwards: comfort and reconnection. Day to day: simple choices, announced transitions and basic needs met.
Language remains your best ally. The more words a child has, the less they need to express themselves through their body. Our article on why talking to your child from birth matters offers practical ideas.
Sources
- KidsHealth (Nemours), “Temper Tantrums”, medically reviewed by Elizabeth M. Schilling, PhD, June 2022.
- Welsh Government (Llywodraeth Cymru), “Big feelings, big behaviours”, parenting guide, 2023.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers”, page updated on 30 April 2026.
