Empathy in children builds slowly. Before the age of 1, a baby can’t yet tell their own emotions apart from other people’s. Between 12 and 18 months, they may offer a cuddle to someone who is crying. Around 2, they notice when someone is sad or hurt, but they can’t yet put themselves in that person’s shoes.
These milestones come from Naître et grandir (a Quebec parenting resource) and the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). They describe a progression, not a timetable to keep to.
What is empathy in children?
Naître et grandir, the website of the Fondation Lucie et André Chagnon, defines empathy as “the ability to recognise another person’s feelings”. The page was reviewed in March 2022 by a psychoeducator.
It’s worth telling it apart from two related ideas:
- emotional contagion, when a baby starts crying because another baby is crying, without understanding why;
- sympathy, which means sharing someone’s sorrow when something unhappy happens to them.
Empathy means perceiving another person’s emotion as separate from your own. That’s why it takes so long to develop. It relies on self-awareness, reading faces and, later on, language.
At what age does empathy appear in children?
There’s no precise age. The first comforting gestures often appear between 12 and 18 months. The ability to genuinely put yourself in someone else’s place develops mainly after the age of 3. In between, your child goes through several stages.
Before 1 year: reading faces
According to Naître et grandir, empathy isn’t yet present at this age, because a baby confuses their own emotions with other people’s. Even so, they watch a great deal. Between 6 and 12 months, they can tell a happy face from a sad one. They also imitate their parents’ expressions, which lays the groundwork for what comes next. Our article on imitation in babies explains this process in detail.
From 12 to 18 months: the first comforting gestures
Your toddler may hold out a toy, give a kiss or a cuddle to someone who is crying. They still judge the situation from their own point of view. So they often offer whatever comforts them: their cuddly toy, their dummy or their bottle. The gesture is clumsy, but the intention to comfort is very much there.
Around 2 years: noticing other people’s distress
The CDC includes this milestone in its list of 2-year milestones, reviewed on 16 May 2026. Most children of this age notice when someone is hurt or upset. They stop playing or look sad when someone is crying. They also look at your face to work out how to react in a new situation.
A study by the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, reported by Naître et grandir in June 2012, points in the same direction. With 36 children aged 2, the researchers measured pupil dilation in response to an adult in difficulty. The children seemed above all to want the adult to be helped, even if the help didn’t come from them.
Between 2 and 3 years: empathy that is still self-centred
Naître et grandir points out that before the age of 3, children mainly see things from their own point of view. They may help spontaneously around 2, but they can’t yet put themselves in the other person’s place. Differences from one child to the next are significant.
After 3 years: comforting without being asked
Between 3 and 5, children become able to comfort a friend on their own, without being asked. They understand better when a playmate is upset. Yet they still find it hard to see the effect of their own actions on others, especially when they are overwhelmed by a strong emotion.
Why empathy needs other skills to develop
Empathy doesn’t grow on its own. It builds on skills that take shape during the first two years.
- Self-awareness. To understand that someone else feels something different from you, you first need to see yourself as a separate person. Recognising themselves in the mirror is one sign of this: our article on the age at which babies recognise themselves in the mirror explains this stage.
- Joint attention. Looking at the same thing as an adult, then showing it to them, trains a child to take into account what the other person sees. Pointing is one milestone along the way, described in our article on babies who point.
- Regulating their own emotions. A child overwhelmed by anger has no room for someone else’s distress. Our article on emotional intelligence and regulation before 3 explains this link.
- The language of emotions. Words such as “sad”, “scared” or “angry” help put a name to what they see in others.
The attachment bond plays a part too. A child who has been comforted reliably has a model of comfort to reproduce. Our article on secure attachment looks at this foundation.
How to encourage empathy in your child day to day
Naître et grandir suggests several practical ideas. None of them requires any equipment: they happen through the ordinary exchanges of the day.
Name their emotions, then other people’s
First, help your child recognise what they are feeling and calm down. “You’re cross because the tower fell down.” Once this vocabulary is in place, apply it to others: “Look, Léa is crying, she’s sad because she hurt herself.”
Lead by example
Children imitate what they see. When you comfort a loved one, help a neighbour or respond gently to their own tears, you show them what an empathetic person does. This example matters more than explanations. It holds true in difficult times too: our guidance on telling a toddler about a death rests on the same honesty.
Ask simple questions
When another child is sad, ask yours how they would feel in that child’s place. Before 3, the answer will often be hesitant. Even so, the question gets them used to looking at things from the other person’s side.
Use books and stories
The characters in a picture book offer a reassuring distance for talking about emotions. Point to a drawn face, ask what the character is feeling and why. Our article on the right age to start reading to your baby offers pointers for choosing these books.
Revisit conflicts, without lecturing
After a squabble or a snatched toy, briefly explain the effect of what they did: “He’s crying because you took his lorry.” Then suggest a simple way to make amends, such as giving the toy back or offering a cuddle, without forcing it.
Praise helpful gestures
Encourage them to help, comfort or share, and notice when they do. “You brought your brother his cuddly toy, and that made him feel better.” Games where you cooperate, rather than ones where you win against each other, work in the same direction.
My child doesn’t seem empathetic: should I be worried?
In the vast majority of cases, no. A toddler who takes a toy without caring about a playmate’s tears is behaving as expected for their age. Naître et grandir sums it up like this for 3- to 5-year-olds: “It isn’t selfishness; it’s part of their development.”
Several situations can explain a more withdrawn reaction:
- tiredness, hunger or a strong emotion, which take up all their attention;
- a more reserved temperament, which watches before acting;
- a new situation or a person they don’t know well.
On the other hand, talk to your doctor or the PMI (France’s mother and child health service) if your 2-year-old hardly ever looks at faces, doesn’t respond when called and doesn’t try to share their interest. These aren’t signs of a lack of empathy as such. They are communication milestones that should be assessed.
Key takeaways
Empathy develops over several years. The first comforting gestures often appear between 12 and 18 months. Around 2, children notice other people’s distress. Truly putting themselves in someone else’s place comes later, mainly after 3. Naming emotions, comforting and leading by example remain the best support.
Sources
- Naître et grandir (Fondation Lucie et André Chagnon), “Les enfants et l'empathie”, updated March 2022, scientific review by Marie-Hélène Chalifour, psychoeducator.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Important Milestones: Your Child By Two Years”, page reviewed on 16 May 2026.
- Naître et grandir, “Aider les autres dès l'âge de 2 ans”, 20 June 2012, based on a study by the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology.
