A baby looked after by grandparents on a regular basis is a childcare arrangement in its own right, not a favour that keeps getting extended. It works when three things are settled from the start: how often it really happens, the safety rules that are not up for negotiation, and the freedom grandparents have over everything else. Without this framework, one side's tiredness and the other side's unspoken frustrations end up weighing on the relationship.
This article sets out the figures on grandparent childcare in France, then goes through, point by point, what needs deciding before the first day and what gets sorted out over the weeks.
Baby looked after by grandparents: what do the figures say?
Grandparent childcare is widespread, but rarely the main form of childcare. In June 2018, the DREES (the statistics department of the French Ministry of Health) published a study based on the 2013 ‘Modes de garde’ (childcare arrangements) survey. It states that ‘around two thirds of children under 6 are looked after at least occasionally’ by their grandparents. Around 19% are looked after as part of a regular arrangement reported by their parents.
On weekdays, from 8am to 7pm, grandparents are the main form of childcare for only 2% of children under 6. The share rises to 3% among under-3s. They are, however, a secondary form of childcare for 13% of under-3s. Wednesday stands out: 12% of children are looked after by their grandparents that day, for an average of 7 hours 12 minutes.
The 2021 survey, whose first results the DREES published in February 2024, confirms the order of magnitude: 15% of children under 3 are ‘looked after on a secondary or occasional basis by their grandparents or another family member’. By comparison, 56% are mainly looked after by their parents, 20% by a childminder and 18% at a nursery.
The deciding factor is distance. According to the 2018 study, grandparents living less than thirty minutes away increase the likelihood of regular childcare by 26 percentage points. Which side of the family matters too: 58% of children are looked after at least occasionally by their maternal grandparents, compared with 44% by their paternal grandparents.
How often can grandparents realistically look after a baby?
The question is rarely asked out loud, and that is the first trap. Looking after a ten-month-old for a whole day takes energy that grandparents aged 65 or 70 don't always have, even if they won't say so. The following points are common sense, not an official recommendation.
- Start with a fixed day, Wednesday or another weekday, rather than a ‘whenever you can’ that soon turns into three days.
- Keep regular childcare and emergency help separate. Days when the child is ill, the nursery is on strike or a meeting runs late are separate requests, and grandparents can say no without having to explain.
- Plan short days at first, from 9am to 4pm for example, then extend them if everyone is happy to.
- Review the arrangement at each stage: a four-month-old who sleeps a lot and an eighteen-month-old who climbs everything do not make for the same day.
- Keep a back-up childcare option. Flu, an operation, a trip away: grandparents must be able to step back without feeling guilty. A plan B is built before you need it.
Which rules to pass on, and which to let go?
Grandparents have raised children of their own. Yet the recommendations have changed on several points, and that is where tensions arise. The approach that works is to keep two separate lists: the safety rules, which are not open to discussion, and the habits, which are theirs to decide.
Safety rules to agree once and for all
The Public Health Agency of Canada has published a page aimed specifically at grandparents, because ‘what was common back then’ no longer is. It reminds readers that babies sleep alone, on their back, for every sleep. Sudden infant deaths fell by half after the ‘Back to Sleep’ campaigns of the late 1990s. It rules out blankets, duvets, pillows, cot bumpers and soft toys in the cot, and advises against cots made before 1986 or with a drop side. The French guidelines are gathered in our article on safe sleep for newborns.
- Sleeping on the back, in a cot or on a firm sleeping surface, a baby sleeping bag rather than a blanket, room at 18-20 °C.
- No smoking in the home or in the car, even when the child isn't there.
- A suitable rear-facing car seat for every journey, even a five-minute one.
- No honey before one year, no hard or round pieces of food until chewing is well established, no cow's milk instead of infant formula before one year.
- Medicines only on your written instructions, with the dose and the time. The paracetamol dose is calculated by weight, never by age.
- Never alone in the bath, never alone on a raised surface, sockets and household products out of reach.
What is theirs to decide
The exact time of the nap, the choice between the playground and a walk, the nursery rhyme, the Wednesday pudding, the way they comfort: all of this belongs to the relationship between the child and their grandparents. A baby adapts very well to two different settings as long as each one is consistent. Insisting on these points costs more in the relationship than it gains in consistency. Our article on the grandparents' role explains this division in more detail.
How do you organise the days in practice?
The daily log book
A simple notebook, left at the grandparents' home, takes care of most things that would otherwise be forgotten: meal times and amounts, naps, dirty nappies, temperature if needed, comments. It works both ways. Parents note what has changed since the previous week: a new food introduced, a tooth coming through, a routine that is shifting. It's the tool childminders use, and there is no reason for it to be reserved for professionals.
The equipment
A second regular childcare setting justifies some basic equipment on site: a safe place to sleep, a high chair or booster seat, a thick, foldable play mat for floor time, and a way to wash the baby without acrobatics. Our article on baby equipment at the grandparents' home sorts out what stays there and what travels in the bag. Old equipment from the loft needs checking piece by piece: the standards for cots, car seats and high chairs have changed.
The day bag
It looks a lot like the kit you pack for a childminder: nappies, a change of clothes, prepared milk and meals, comforter, health record book and current prescription, useful phone numbers. Packing the bag the night before avoids a stressful start to the morning.
Sick days
A baby looked after by their grandparents isn't sent home when ill, but they can pass illnesses on. A stomach bug or flu in a 75-year-old does not have the same consequences as in a 32-year-old parent. Let them know at the first symptoms, get vaccinated yourself and check that the grandparents are up to date with their own vaccinations, particularly against flu and whooping cough. Our article on babies getting ill at nursery covers the most common infections and how often to expect them.
Should you talk about money with the grandparents?
Yes, at least once, even if the answer is ‘no’. Regular childcare has a cost for those who provide it: shopping, emergency nappies, petrol, outings. Three approaches are common, and none is better than the others as long as it is spelt out.
- Free childcare, with the parents covering nappies, milk and the meals dropped off in the morning. This is the most common. It does not entitle you to any support from the CAF (the French family benefits office).
- A flat monthly allowance, with no formal status, which covers costs without paying for time.
- Declared employment, when a grandparent looks after the child at the parents' home several days a week. Eligibility for support then depends on the employee's status and where the childcare takes place: check with the CAF and Pajemploi (the French declaration service for home childcare) before committing. Our article on the childminder contract outlines the standard employment framework.
What matters is not which approach you choose, but that you choose it together and review it when the frequency changes.
When grandparent childcare no longer works
Some signs should lead you to cut back or stop, without anyone having failed.
- The grandparents are exhausted in the evening, or one of them carries the whole load. The DREES study notes that grandmothers look after grandchildren more than grandfathers do.
- A safety rule is not followed despite two reminders: sleeping position, car seat, smoking. On these points, the relationship cannot come first.
- The child, once past 18 months, needs other children: the question of a nursery or a part-time playgroup then arises, as a complement rather than a replacement.
- Childcare has become the only connection, and the grandparents no longer have any carefree time with the child. A day with no obligations every now and then changes the relationship.
Saying ‘we're changing the arrangement’ is not a criticism. A grandparent who has looked after a baby three days a week for a year has already given a great deal, and a first sleepover or Wednesdays are then enough to keep the bond. Our article on the first night at the grandparents' helps you prepare for this step.
Key takeaways
Two thirds of young children are looked after at least occasionally by their grandparents, but only 2 to 3% are mainly looked after by them on weekdays: for most families, regular grandparent childcare remains a complement of one or two days. It lasts if the frequency is fixed, if the safety rules are written down and followed, and if everything else is left to the grandparents. Money and tiredness are best discussed before they become issues.
Sources
- Kitzmann M., ‘Les grands-parents : un mode de garde régulier ou occasionnel pour deux tiers des jeunes enfants’, DREES, Études et Résultats no. 1070, June 2018 (‘Modes de garde et d'accueil des jeunes enfants’ survey, 2013).
- DREES, ‘Modes de garde et d'accueil des jeunes enfants’ survey 2021, first results published on 14 February 2024. Figures reported by Localtis (Banque des Territoires) on 19 February 2024 and in the DREES dataset ‘Modes de garde et d'accueil et scolarisation des enfants âgés de moins de 6 ans’.
- Public Health Agency of Canada, ‘Conseils pour un sommeil sécuritaire des nourrissons à l'intention des grands-parents’, page published on 31 October 2025, updated on 29 January 2026.
